Negative Feedback Loops

Getting stuck in a negative feedback loop is real. And it’s a place that I’ve been trapped in for the past couple of months. For me it looks a little something like this:

The worst part about these loops is that they become addictive habits, which makes breaking out of them extremely difficult.

After you’ve told yourself that you aren’t good at anything, you’re a failure and you simply can’t do whatever thing you would like to for the millionth time, it starts becoming true. You become physically unable to do basic tasks like get out of bed, do your laundry and take a shower. You feel inadequate and unhappy, so you become incapable of conveying to yourself and others all of the skills that you do have.

Breaking the Loop

Breaking out of this loop is really hard. But, it’s not impossible. It’s what I’m trying to do right now by writing this even though it’s midnight and I still have other work to do. I’m not going to give up on starting this blog and writing this article. That’s what you have to do. You have to reverse engineer all of the negative loops you’ve formed and replace them with positive ones.

This is especially difficult once you’re stuck in what I’ll call the hole of despair. You know, that hole that started as a little butt indent in the dirt but you’ve slowly settled into… And then not just settled but dug yourself deeper and deeper into? It’s hard because at this point you’re in complete darkness and all alone and nothing seems even remotely interesting or achievable. There is literally no goal or project that interests you.

Ok, that’s fine. Start with something simple. Do the laundry. Take the shower. Buy the groceries.

This is your project. You can do these things and you will do them. Once you’ve accomplished one of these tasks appreciate that. You are not incompetent and useless. Then try to build it up. Even if it doesn’t seem interesting to you right now, choose some type of small project to work on. Follow one of mine if you’d like (everything is better with other people).

Do it every day for just a short while, take a walk for five minutes every day. Draw or sketch for five minutes, write for five minutes. Every time you stick with it allow yourself to be happy with that. Don’t go to bed without doing those five or ten minutes.

Messing Up

If you do mess up for one or two or ten days, get back up and keep going. Finish the month. Give up on giving up. Soon these five minutes will become a habit and you might find yourself actually enjoying the activity you are engaged in. Then you can increase the time spent on it by another couple of minutes or choose another activity.

Kick your pride to the curb. That is one of the things that got you here in the first place. The voice saying it’s not worth it if it’s not perfect or it doesn’t compare to all of the other people doing the same thing as you. If you’re not conquering the world or winning a medal or getting ready to run a marathon. Just do your five minutes.

(I hope this post wasn’t patronizing, I’m mostly speaking to myself here)