Five Ways to Help a Friend Who’s Struggling

Sometimes it can be hard to know how to help a friend who is struggling so I thought I’d compile a short list simple ways my friends have helped me through. I’ve been lucky to find a really supportive group of friends so I’d like to show my gratitude.

1. Presence and tea

One week, a couple days after opening up to a friend about feeling down, we planned to study together. She didn’t bring up or verbally acknowledge what I had talked about before, but I still felt heard and cared for. We simply had some tea and oranges. But I felt her calming energy along with soothing the warmth of the tea. This gesture allowed me to feel like I could just inhale for once and listen to someone else talk about herbal teas, instead of being stuck in my own repetitive thoughts.

2. Listening

Other times, talking is just what is needed. Sometimes when I brought things like this up, I would get the response, “you don’t have to talk about it, if you don’t want to.” This can be a very considerate sentiment, but saying irrational thoughts out loud often helps me recognize how illogical they are. So, just listening, asking questions, sympathizing and not judging or contradicting what I am trying to express is a huge relief. Many late nights in Sellinger lounge were had with friends who just took the time to listen.

3. Painting Nails

This one might seem juvenile and super girly. (Almost as girly as the adjective super). But there’s something about the gentle contact of holding someone’s thumb in your hand as you paint their nails. When you isolate yourself, it’s easy to feel starved for human touch, so being able to hold someone’s hand in yours can be very comforting. The act of concentrating on something tangible and precise like painting a finger nail is also very therapeutic to me. And I love the sensation of the slightly chilled polish that you can feel through nail as the brush strokes on a fresh coat.

4. Following Up

When I’m in this mode, I often feel like a burden on people. Or like I just need to recede into myself. Even if I want to see my friends, I feel like they won’t care if I’m there or not. So, sending a quick text or making a call to see if I’m coming to an event even if I already said I would helps me not back out and reminds me that people do care. I can recall multiple times when just a little nudge like this got me out of the house and feeling a bit better.

5. Walks and Cookies

One thing that really sucks about depression is it keeps me indoors a lot when fresh air can be really healing and beneficial. So, on one particularly rough night, a walk around the block and a friend spontaneously buying me some of my favorite cookies was exactly what I needed.

I think everything on this list has two things in common that stick out to me. They are simple and gentle acts of kindness.