Why I Don’t Want to Restart My Blog and Why I’m Going to Anyway

I don’t want to restart my blog

When I first had the idea to create this blog, it felt like it could be my salvation. The plan to focus on one habit or skill a month that I could improve at gave me a spark of hope that I hadn’t experienced in a long time when imagining the future.

After almost six months now of not posting consistently or not posting anything at all, it feels daunting. I’ve made many posts saying I would stick to a regular schedule, begin again. But I haven’t. So, in some sense the blog now feels like a catalogue of my past errors, inconsistencies and lies. It’s all my mistakes compiled in one place for anyone to revisit at any time.

I’m also afraid of this being another post that I won’t follow up on, another broken promise to myself.

But I’m going to try again anyway

I want to remind myself that this project was never about anyone else’s approval or views, it was an experiment and contract with myself. I wanted to see if by truly focusing on one simple goal a month I could get better and pull myself out of a pit of darkness that I was in.

It was also meant to be a declaration that progress is not always linear. Sometimes I fail, I give up, pity myself and am unwilling to move forward for long periods of time. But I hope that by coming to terms with my own capacity for self-destructive behavior I can overcome it and turn this blog into something that I can be proud of again.

Because I need a concrete goal that I can aim at and aspire to each week and month and year. I’ll be posting more about the specifics on Monday.